Saturday, 26 January 2013

Misunderstood Single / Only Child

 Yesterday, out of curiousity I googled "Single Child" and the top 5 results that came out are this:

Tell me what do YOU think about it?  I think it's fairly insulting truth be told.  First of all, the repetition of the word 'syndrome'.  Wikipedia, our forever faithful friend, defined Syndrome as:

Clinically recognize features.  Now that is not very nice isn't it.  Other than being branded as a person having clinically recognize features, a single child person cannot run off from being branded as the following in the most commonly used terms in numerical order:

ONE.  SPOILED BRAT.  This is the number 1 name calling that single child gets (not deserve) when asked if they have siblings and they say no.
Two.  Selfish
Three. Bossy
Four.   Lonely
Five.    Maladjusted
Six.      Troubles with social skills
Seven.  Craves attention
Eight.    Nasty and stubborn

The list goes on and on and never ending and most of it are pointing towards the negative side of a human being.  According to Wikipedia, one is even dubbed as the "Little Emperor", which is saying someone who gets whatever they want anytime they want, subtlety or crudely saying that a single child is spoiled or overly pampered by their parents that their every whim is attended to.   Trust me, we get scoldings and spankings more than you ever did because well, my parents can't just shout at some non-existing sibling that I don't have so when they have to yell at someone, that would be me, and only me.  There is no CARTER, GET DOWN HERE!  Or VERONICA WHY DID YOU PROVOKE YOUR SISTER!  It's MICHELLE YOU COME HERE THIS INSTANCE! or MICHELLE WHY DID YOU EAT GRANDMA'S CAKE? or MICHELLE I KNOW IT'S YOU WHO DREW ON THE WALL, NOT YOUR IMAGINARY FRIEND JENNIFER! You get the picture.

Then let me ask you, what did single child ever do to deserve all this name branding?  Just because a person does not have siblings does not mean they are naturally the nastiest or most selfish person on Earth, nor are they socially awkward around people.  Just because someone HAS siblings does not mean the person has leadership quality, kind and caring and shares everything they has.

On the VERY CONTRARY, I would've thought that a single child is MORE willing to SHARE their things because they never have the need of being protective or territorial over their space or toys that most people with siblings would feel, unless if of course their age gap is huge.

I would also believe that single child are people who matures faster than children with siblings simply because, you can't expect their parents to talk gugu gaga to them all the time.  They are more attentive and sensitive to adult's conversation rather than their peers because ever since young, they have been exposed to adult (parents) talking and even though a child might not be able to respond or communicate fluently, their still comprehend.  They get the gist of what the adults are talking about and because of constant exposure and 'hanging out' with adults, they actually get a sense of the real world faster than children with siblings who are constantly dolled up with fairy tales of Santa or Tooth Fairy or fighting to see who gets the last limb of that poor toy.

I've even read a report about one problem that single child has - talking to themselves and having imaginary friend.  The last time I checked, almost EVERY child, regardless or not whether they are the only child or not TALKS to THEMSELVES and HAVE imaginary friend!  So JUST because they are the only child, this automatically becomes a PROBLEM for them and it's deemed completely NORMAL for kids with siblings?  What nonsense is this?!  It's like telling a single child that its a crime to have a toy but it would be alright if that same toy was given and shared between two kids.

Do you guys see just how conceited and judgmental you guys are?

Generally, only child do not have much problem in their social environments because if they could understand adults and converse with them in adult topic, it is very likely that they are able to converse with their peers.  It's like knowing how to do algebra first and then only starting to get to know how to do adding and subtraction.  Easy peasy.  Perhaps the ONLY reason they are not very keen to be socially friendly with their peers is because they think that whatever they are talking about is too kiddish or immature for them, heh.  That is also a reason why only child likes to talk to people beyond their age, because they feel like the topic is more synced to their thinking.

Only child also feels a heavier sense of responsibility, contrary to others beliefs who thinks only child are spoiled, insensitive brat who has no sense of whatever is going around the world and is only stuck in their own world and that the world revolves around them.  If you are thinking of that, you have got it wrong.  That applies to those tycoon's kids who were taught that money can buy the world.  If you are rich but your parents taught you that money isn't everything, parents, good job, you have done parenting right.

Why would I say only child has a heavier sense of responsibility?  I can explain it in a mathematical term:  Probability.  When you have multiple siblings, say 4 siblings, the probability of having 1 successful kid and 3 useless kids is split into the ratio of 1:3  The probability of having 2 successful kids and 2 useless kids is a 50% chance thing.  You get the picture.  When you have siblings, chances for them to succeed is higher, thus when their parents reaches the age of say 65, they would have at least 1 kid who will have the means to take care of them.  If they are lucky, they might have 2 or 3 or even all 4 kids who had succeeded in life and then take care of them.

A single child, if you are useless, your parents are screwed.  If you are successful, the burden is still all on you to take care of everything:  Your life and both your parents life.  That's 3 lives that you have to take care of single handedly.  Siblings can still divide costs, monthly allowance and everything among themselves.  Even just having one other sibling, you are able to lighten up your burden by half but for single child, you do not have that choice.  As you grow up in life, you would know that you have to shoulder the entire burden and thus, setting the single child's character to be a person with a sense of responsibility.

If you think all that I've said above is not true, fine, that is up to you but the upcoming one that I am going to say is undeniable, as much as you want to.  Single child BONDS with their parents in a manner unlike to others that you have ever known.  This does not have to be explained.  I dare say any single child who reads this will definitely agree with me.  You have no idea how magical that bond is between a single child and their parents so parent's don't worry.  You will never even hear of one old folks home name.

Single child also suffers lesser inferiority complex because they are not constantly compared to their siblings who perhaps outshines them.  Though parents always says they love all their child equally, at times it is harder to maintain that equal love especially if you have two very different child and the odd one out will feel even more neglected that they already are in the first place.

I mean, even you also can't help liking person A more than person B right? >D

Another interesting fact is, if a single child runs into problem, the first person that they would call up is their parents no matter how bad the problem is.  The worst the problem the faster they dial their parent's phone number.  They do not confide that much with their peers unlike people with siblings, they confide in their peers or their own siblings but never their parents.

Just a small tip:  Do you know that being friends with a single child actually benefits you as well?  Because single child parents are terrified that their kid would be lonely, thus always being extra nice and extra friendly to their kid's friends.  Free car rides, free food, free movies and almost anything that they could give to their child, they might give it to you too because single child parents do feel guilty for not giving the single child a sibling, thus if they see that their child have a nice companion, they would automatically be nice and loving towards their child's companion as well.

I am not saying it's better to be a single child or it's bad to have siblings.  All I am saying is its very unfair to have all this branding and judging going on around for single child.  Single child too, have feelings.  We do not like those looks that you guys have on your face when we say that we are single child.  It is the look of "ooooooooooooooh, that explains why you are so spoiled'.  That is pure nonsense.  Anyone can be stubborn.  Anyone can be a social outcast and anyone can be nasty and no just single child person.