Thursday, 11 April 2013

Some Hardcore Truth about Relationship - Are you IN or are you OUT?

No, not another love story or another 50 list of what you should do to improve your relationship or finding your "One True Love".  You know I am not corny like that >D

Yesterday I came across this really good read, written by Ian, about relationship and I think it's one of the best relationship article that I've read in a very long time so I would really like to share it with you.

It sticks to reality and not fantasies but it rings a bell of truth in each sentence.


Original Image from Here


Ian's wise words:


During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind 
replied the author.

Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, 
want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO! ♥

And that, ladies and gentleman, is Ian's story.  I like how true it is and it does not delude the readers into thinking their sleeping beauty or knight in shinning armour will just come and sweep you off your feet like how Walt Disney depicted love should be.  Of course there's a minority of people who is living out their fairytale life but for the majority of us, this is the road to follow.

Giving and taking.  Learning and understanding.  You can't just have your partner bend to your will and needs all the time.  He/she is not a rod of Iron and you are not Magneto.

Happy loving.  

58 comments:

  1. in before butthurt teen novel fan

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  2. wise words from Ian :) thanks for sharing, really cool post. You should totally check out fable it's awesome! So glad you liked my scrapbook, I just can't stop cutting and pasting these days, hahahaha! Fingers crossed there'll be no final destination thingy, hahah, but I sure do look up a bit more lately!! just in case!! :O

    holly-bella
    http://thepersephonecomplex.blogspot.co.uk/

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  3. ok so first of all i was about to comment at school but the wifi is soooo shittty I can't post, anyways, I AM SO LOVING THE PICTURE, ams o inspired. the words are amazing, i can so relate to it, I mean like, you can feel like flying across a peterpan era when you fall in love with the right guy, right? and then things just go wrong in a weird way and just turns shitty, you know? and love should be a beautiful thing. anyways, in response to your comment, I might post the whole all the way to the halcyon days artwork soon and ill just put a review onto it, and yea, a 97 kid, my friend took the pic for me, anddddddddd Im sometimes a tumblr bimbo lol x
    "High School:Big Mouth Billy Bass" on THE PHOTOGRAPHIC SENSE-http://reinhardtkenneth.blogspot.com

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  4. Haha 'you're not like a Magneto'
    Your writing is funny :P I've
    read the article and I must say
    quite good! I'm the one that is
    scared falling in love and end
    up to be fed up with your man.
    But this line really has a point:
    "it's learning to love the person
    you found."

    Reply: I can't believe you read
    'boobline' haha :P you're a
    funny and I guess you can take
    hairextentions if you want to
    have longer hair :o but I wouldn't
    do that, it's a handful of job
    to keep that maintain..

    xx

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  5. how true ;-)
    Thank you so much for your comment and following!
    Of course i follow you on gfc and bloglovin too :-)
    Wish you a nice Day!

    xoxo Kira
    schuhRei.ch

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your Message, that's very kind of you!
      xoxo Kira
      schuhRei.ch

      Delete
  6. Take time to get to know the person and your gut will tell you if that the right person.
    I dated my husband for 5 years and was engaged for 1 year. It was enough time to get to see all of his good and bad, and he got to see mine.
    YuliConversations.blogspot.com

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  7. I love that...and in complete agreement.

    I am now following. Hope you'll follow back.

    B.

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  8. That is an interesting thought about learning to love someone. That cycle of love thing is totally true and it is also why so many couples get divorces!
    I think Lam is right, however I still really would like to think that a Perfect person is out there for me. It just sounds so much better and like a disney movie! (which I kinda want my life to be lol I am up for some harsh realities later on in life!)

    http://www.mybrokeneggshells.com

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  9. woah this is so cool! it's ironic but "it's not you, it's me" XD it makes me worry for if i ever fall in love because i feel like i'd get annoyed quickly /slaps/ XD

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  10. oh truly written - being in a relationship especially after years requires a lot of efforts <3

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  11. I'm following you, Could you check my blog and follow if you like it? You can like my FB page as well:)

    http://embui-fashion.blogspot.com/

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  12. Hello dear, nice blog, you follow me on GFC, so thank you! But, can you follow me on my blog?! :) I follow you now!

    http://elizabethlore.blogspot.cz/

    Great post..

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  13. Ian's words are so true and thought provoking. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time, mainly because of what Ian said - it's a lot of hard work and commitment and I just don't have the time and patience for it at the moment. My friend is going through a difficult relationship at the moment and I'm always trying to help her through, so I am going to show her this post. Thanks for sharing.

    Also thanks for popping by my blog - followed you on GFC and FB

    http://forcailini.blogspot.com

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  14. great image ;)!


    Maybe we can follow each other? Just let me know ;)

    http://www.cristinasurdu.com/

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  15. This was a great read and so interesting!! My bf and I are celebrating our 6th anniverdary this year so I definitely can relate to this text :p I'm so happy though, there's no one else I could want to love more than him :)

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  16. ohhhhhhhh sweetie! Thank you so much for that comment. It really means the world to me that you can relate to it. I was so nervous about putting it up, because it's such a part of MY SOUL, you know what I mean? But then when I did I was so glad because of the lovely things people have been saying. I'm going to write more about my life and my relationships now :) I really enjoy it now that I know people won't freak out, hahahaha! Seriously I think that was the happiest a comment has ever made me feel, and that's saying something!! :D thank you so much.

    love love love xoxox holly-bella xxx

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  17. I really need to think about this....
    http://namelessfashionblog.blogspot.it/
    http://www.facebook.com/NamelessFashionBlog

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  18. nice blog !

    Thanks for the follow I have updated a new post at Chapter 173 .

    Do read it and comment my post only !!

    Thanks

    ticklethecandyqueen.blogspot.com

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  19. Such an interesting post and also very wise. I do agree ! Found myself at different stages all the time ;) Kisses

    Fashion and Cookies
    Fashion and Cookies on Facebook
    Bloglovin
    You're invited to enter In Love with Fashion "Pretty dress" Giveaway: win a pretty dress of your choice, open worldwide until April 13th !

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  20. wow beautiful my dear!!
    www.borsadimarypoppins.com

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  21. T^T i love this Ian. hes so true!

    visit my blog ^^
    www.luchluchcraft.blogspot.com

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  22. Hey Mish...

    I just have one funda about love ..Other person is also a human.. If you can make mistakes so can he... So never assume and talk..do all the crazy stupid things together...and you will be in love forever..:)

    Stay in touch..!!
    softwarestostilletoes.blogspot.in
    Namaste..!!

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  23. I absolutely loved reading this! Thank you so much for sharing, this was precious, and needed. I think human beings are, by nature, non-monogamous human beings, hence the tendency to cheat. I come from a Middle Eastern background where arranged marriage is prevalent. In my family history, the only marriages that have lasted are arranged marriages, and the ones that have failed were love marriages. Why? This is because the person that walked into your life was chosen on the basis of logic and compatibility, and it was your job to 'love them' after the fact-- exactly what Ian said. This was eye opening!

    WWW.ROXTHEFOX.COM

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  24. Hey there! You've got a great blog! I followed you with GFC and Bloglovin' :)
    Hope you can follow back ;) thanks!

    glamrocklady.blogspot.com

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  25. It is true . I don't know the reason to find a reason about love . It exists , and so it happened . The policy of love & run is so cruel.
    Noor @ Noor's Place

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  26. Chanced upon your blog and enjoy reading it!

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  27. That's true...so true. I cannot find any words to describe this text now as I'm quite speechless now. The rules of love are very strange sometimes yet it's the strongest power on earth.

    Lots of love, Maho

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  28. What a great post! Enjoyed it reading!

    Kisses!

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  29. I think ..I'M out. I hate drama and relationships come A LOT with it :/

    also I just want to say that I am really engaged in DIY, beauty tips, recycling clothes, style and quick make-up. So i'll be making videos about this things :D
    Please please please subscribe to my channel and share the video you like on facebook so your girlfriends can see :D

    http://www.youtube.com/user/MelYaraMel?feature=mhee


    thanks alot
    God Bless you.
    mwahhh

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  30. Hello sweety! Thanks for stopping by, I really appreciate it, your opinion is so important!
    This is such an amazing post, im in love! (:
    New post on my blog! Stop by me soon!
    Have a really nice day :)
    http://peaceinmyshoes.blogspot.com.es

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  31. Love it! SHall we follow>let me know XSE

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  32. love this photo and also your blog! It's so nice!!! I follow you!
    Pass to my blog and if it likes you follow me too, I will be so glad :D
    Kisses
    http://francescagiusti.blogspot.it/

    ReplyDelete
  33. This is so interesting, because I had a very similar conversation with my boyfriend about finding the perfect career path....how it's not about 'finding' the 'right' thing to do for the rest of your life, but just giving your best to what you started with, and see where it takes you. I think it's a truth for everything one does. thank you for sharing this words of wisdom!

    -liv
    http://chocolivlovelaugh.blogspot.kr

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  34. You have amazing blog! Love it!
    I am following you! Follow please back! xx

    http://madeinlatvija.blogspot.com/

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  35. I totally agree with the quote- that you have to learn to love the person you have found. In one point loe is simple (it's like you love or don't love), but it's definitely more complex than that!
    I just stumbled accross your blog and I love what I have seen so far! You have a great blog filled with many interesting posts.
    Maybe you might consider following each other on GFC and Bloglovin? I will wait for you on my blog!

    callmemaddie.blogspot.com

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  36. I LOVE your blog...Great photos!Really enjoying:)FOLLOW YOU NOW! Please check mines If you want we can follow also with facebook?
    Come back soon to visit my blog, I'll be waiting for you!!

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  37. yeah, I love to follow, I follow you and meet me at my blog.

    is difficult to find the right person, but I think we all have a person somewhere. and appear.

    http://losviajesysibaritismosdeauroraboreal.blogspot.com.es/

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  38. I sometimes wish love was like in the Disney stories but I know it never is.


    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

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  39. I like your blog, and I began to follow.
    I invite you to visit and follow my blog http://www.mytributetostyle.com/
    kisses
    Yasmin

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  40. You got such a cool blog! Do you think you might like to follow each other? You can check out my blog at: www.adore-couture.com and let me know. :3

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  41. I saw the note going viral on my facebook too! I think it's good to let other knows it's about learning to love. Too many other people out there have a misconception that love is about a knight in shining amour sweeping away your feet for the rest of your life hmm. Anyway thanks for sharing!! <3

    ♡ Jaslin from www.justjaslin.com

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  42. Sorry for commenting "so late"! I mean, I had to leave my notebook for repair for a whole week... I was on scheduled posts!
    You always write the most brilliant posts! This one is so wise, I loved it - and sooo true too! You are brilliant!

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  43. Greetings love!!
    Beautiful pictures and it is indeed an amazing post!! :)
    Thanks for stopping by and I heartly appreciate it!(:
    Give your opinion of my new post at
    http://peaceinmyshoes.blogspot.com.es

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  44. Lord, am I glad to have read this. SO MUCH TRUTH! Thanks for sharing. ♥♥

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  45. hi sweetie!
    I have a super giveaway on my blog, pass by!
    xx
    http://www.themidniteblues.blogspot.it

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  46. Yep! Totally agree. It is a choice and I choose to love my husband, look and remember why I love him, and continue to try and improve our relationship. I've been married almost 10 years and love him more and more every day. ;-)
    -Jamie
    ChatterBlossom

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  47. True words, I totally agree. I have had this beautiful relation for 10 years with all ups and downs there could be and my ex also had his spleens and flaws, but you know it's real love when you cannot live without these flaws and spleens of him (or her, whatever).
    I also read a quote on Pinterest the other day:

    http://pinterest.com/pin/89860955037400483/

    I don't want to go into detail, but this is the real truth. I can confirm this, speaking from personal experience. He took me back.
    It also went the other way round, he broke my heart last year when he broke up with me and even if it's not possible at the moment, I know I could take him back someday and this is my opinion of true and honest love.
    You are often called stupid when talking about this in front of others, but hey, what do they know about your feelings?! You have to experience it yourself to be able to judge and most people just don't have this experience yet.

    Mistakes, flaws and spleens is what make us who we are.

    Period. Sorry for the rambling, but as you might know, it's a huge topic in my life at the moment... ;)

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  48. Remember when you tagged me and one of your questions was if I believe in soul mates and I said no? That's exactly why I don't believe in soul mates, Ian read my frigging mind. Anyone can be your soul mate and your partner for life if you DECIDE so. People too often decide to throw something away because it isn't working as they want it to, instead of fixing it.

    How are you, babe, otherwise? I have a slight suspicion that you're extra busy...:) Hope everything is going perfectly for you.;)

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  49. Wow - Thanks for posting this - really good read. My BF and I have been together for almost 8 years now and I can say with all honesty that it might have been easier to walk away many times than to work through it but I know at the end of the day that I have a great guy who's WORTH the effort. My Mum has always said "whatever he's got, you should bottle it" #awww.

    ♥ Paula Shoe Fiend.
    http://shoe-fiend.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete